Scale Fail

Can you guess what the title of this post means?  Can you?  Well, I am back once again.  Hopefully, I will be better about posting more consistently.  Fingers crossed (:

Sooo...remember how I told you of those annoying resolutions I joked about made on New Years?   I was supposed to lose (cough, cough) 1 (cough, cough) pound a week.  Yep, one. Uno.
Well, I hadn't weighed myself since then because I had been busy with school, kids, spouse, house, workshops, homework, bald dog (yeah, you read that right.  I took Peditos to a spa day at Petsmart and he went from this:

to this:

He was literally half his size after they gave him a trim shaved him.  And for the record, I think Petsmart has some sort of conspiracy going on and I think they KEPT Peditos and gave me a Chihuahua!  Do you agree with me?  I think yes!  Oh, and also for the record, I didnt paint my dog's nose green.  He found a label on the floor and he licked it up and it stuck to his nose.  (:

So back to my story, I hadn't had a chance to weigh myself.
Until today.  I dug the scale out from under Marko's bathroom sink and climbed on.  Imagine my shock, horror and utter disbelief when I got on it and discovered that the damned scale displayed a number that was THREE pounds higher than the number it displayed three weeks ago.  You would have thought I burned my feet with the way I jumped off of it so I could reset it, because surely, it wasn't registering right.  Right?! I mean RIGHT??!!
I climbed on, jumped off, climbed back on and jumped right back off 3 times and wouldn't you know it?  The damned scale refused to budge from that extra 3 pound number!  (a number, that by the way, I will NOT be revealing to you at this time, thankyouverymuch!)
Now, imagine the "Oh My Gosh" music from the shower scene in the movie "Psycho" blaring full volume in my ears!!  Because it was literally playing from some imaginary loud speakers throughout my house!  I mean,  I was seriously expecting to see at least a couple of OUNCES lost from 3 weeks ago.   Talk about epic fail!  My question is...when did THAT happen??!!  And more importantly, HOW did that happen??!!  My goal was to lose one pound a week until I lost 20 pounds.  Do you realize that at this rate, I am actually gaining one pound a week.  That means that if my stupid scale doesn't start cooperating and showing me a number I want to see, I could quite literally gain 20 pounds by my birthday!
I must share with you that it took every single ounce of self control in my 3-pounds heavier body to refrain from throwing that damned scale over my fence in the back yard!  Grrrrr.
So there you have it. I am an epic failure on my resolutions and I'm only 3 weeks into the year!
Can you please duct-tape my mouth shut next year at resolution time??!!  Pretty please?  Either that, or I could shave my head.  It worked for Peditos.  Nevermind!

Is it Friday yet??

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